Last Updated on March 17, 2024 by Natalie
It’s okay to fail.
Most of the world is focused on success, which is great. We all benefit from the success of companies or individuals who have created something that improves our lives born of their own creativity, knowledge, or the special something that makes them unique. How did these amazing success stories come about? Did they have an idea and then become successful by magic?
Of course not.
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Disclaimer
How do these great ideas come to light? Many of those great products, services, and other success stories are born from failure. Dealing with failure is something that is part of the human condition (as is dealing with illnesses, needing human connections, and moral conundrums). How we deal with failure can impact our future successes or lack thereof.
I’m the type of person who will accept it if someone tells me I’m unable to do something. Maybe I’ll keep quietly trying or maybe I won’t. I’m not necessarily going to power through to that goal and scream, “I showed you, you suckers!”
Growing up, I wanted to be an actress. Badly. I even studied theatre with an emphasis on acting in college (I have BA with a double major, but the theatre program was my great love). I distinctly remember an incident from when I was around 16 years old. My then best friend and an adult friend of her family’s made fun of my acting dreams and told me I couldn’t do it.
Frankly, it was pretty devastating. My friendship with that person hasn’t been the same since, though we are somehow still friendly. The family friend turned out to be a scumbag. Shocking, right?
When the naysayers are right
She was right. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t become a famous actress. If that is the measure of success, which since I wanted to be a famous actress that is the measure, then I absolutely failed.
However, if we take the “famous” part out of it, maybe I didn’t fail at all.
I continued in community theatre for many years, playing some awesome roles (with both great experiences and awful experiences as happens when mixing many personalities). I worked in a semi-professional traveling dinner theatre company for a number of years. Semi-professional means that I was paid for my performances, though it mostly wasn’t a wage that could pay my bills. I appeared in a number of very low-budget independent films – even getting a few roles as extras in movies that achieved some sort of distribution.
I achieved being paid to do something that I loved at the time. That’s one definition of success.
I enjoy stability and that’s certainly okay!
It turned out that I liked having my stable office job – I even genuinely loved it for a number of years. I didn’t like the crazy hours needed for doing films, especially in a pretty much totally independent market and since so many roles were low pay/no pay. I did a session or two being paid to pretend I was a patient for future doctors to try and diagnose at the local medical school. I was an extra in one or two local and reasonably high budget commercials.
Eventually, I decided that I didn’t want to do it anymore. I enjoy stability and do not thrive in chaos. Even though I definitely don’t want to be famous anymore and I realized that in my mid-20s, I have found much satisfaction in the life I’ve lived and the experiences that I’ve had. Does my friend think I’m failure because my acting dreams fell flat as she predicted? Do people I studied acting with in college think that about me?
Candidly, the real question is: Do I care what they think?
Nope, I really don’t.
I measure my success by my own ruler
I had wonderful experiences, even getting paid for some of them. Some of it was a lot of fun and some of it was a lot of work. I don’t believe I’m a particularly good actress on film – though I do believe I have a decent amount of stage acting talent. If I had an opportunity to be a movie extra or in a commercial, I’d still probably do it. The latter only for money, though. Time is valuable.
Even thought it’s been 25 years (or more) since that incident with my friend and by all accounts, I have 100% failed at my dream of becoming a famous actress. I am glad. Living in the spotlight looks like it’s mostly an awful experience. I’m fine with remaining anonymous and doing a different kinds of work, like writing.
I could’ve spent my life beating myself up for failing at something I wanted more than anything as a teenager. Instead, I embarked on what is currently a full life which I live with a mixture of excitement, happiness, content, and the entire spectrum of human emotions that are a part of life. Instead of acting, I have turned to another great love of mine: writing.
I still have failures
I’m failing at being a successful blogger – because there are so many factors that go into it than merely writing. Yet I write, I enjoy it, and I find it immensely satisfying. Along with blogging, I’m currently working on writing romance novels, because that was also a dream I had from around my early 20s. Back then, I’d started a book and had written at least 10,000-15,000 words (which isn’t a lot, considering average novel length is around 75,000 words), but it was something I was proud of doing. Unfortunately, that novel and various film scripts are lost to the dredges of time and broken hard drives.
Though I left writing behind for so many years, it’s been creatively fulfilling to head several blogs and start writing again.
Moving forward is not failure
Yet, I keep writing and blogging.
Quitting can be both not an option and an appropriate response to failure.
Quitting can be both NOT an option AND an appropriate response to failure. We are allowed to change the directions of our dreams if something isn’t working out for us. Acting wasn’t working out and I realized that I wasn’t necessarily enjoying it anymore, either. In my case, writing still gives me great satisfaction and I plan to continue while it gives me that joy. I quit acting because I wasn’t receiving the joy, especially for the amount of time and work it takes. It was appropriate for me to quit acting after it became draining and unsatisfying. It’s also appropriate to continue writing now, even though I’m not yet successful with it, as I derive great joy from the process and results.
People who have succeeded have often experienced years of failures – or setbacks
The most successful people we see have often spent years failing or experiencing setbacks in their dreams. They have pushed forward, learning from their experiences, and adapting to the changes. Several years ago while working on my travel blog, I had a phone call with a friend who is a successful relationship coach. This wasn’t necessarily his original life’s path. He adapted and changed with each thing that didn’t work for his business. His attitude became (paraphrased), “I know those things didn’t work and now I’m free to try new things.” Eventually, he stumbled upon a successful recipe that does work well for him.
I used the word stumble, but he didn’t stumble, did he? He worked methodically until he found something within the realm of his dream that worked to make him into the successful version of himself. He’s making excellent money, working very hard, and by all accounts, is content with his life and life choices.
Success looks different to everyone
If one feels successful by making a lot of money, there are many paths to achieve that success. All involve hard work. One may feel more successful by being in a job that they love and fulfills them in some other way – just as long as they have enough to pay their bills and support the lifestyle that they want. Still others have an entirely different version of success.
Maybe I’ll get one or more novels published. Maybe I won’t. Continuing writing is my current path. I enjoy it and I’m fulfilled by it. I don’t believe I’m successful at any one thing and definitely not by others’ versions of success. However, I’m happy and fulfilled by my current life choices and that’s currently successful enough for me.
What does success look like for you? What’s something at which you have failed and quit? What’s something at which you are failing but are continuing to do because you love it? Feedback from my readers is the best, so please leave a comment with your thoughts. Thank you!
